The Plan for 2024 and Beyond

What is this document? It’s a place to ground some questions and discussion points to get aligned on things that may have drifted living apart for an extended period of time. It’s also a way to get on the same page as to how re-integration might look, and what we want our future to look like.

The idea is that we would both have clarity on:

1. Vision of the next 5 years
2. Needs of Sarah and Adam
3. Fears or hesitatations
4. Mutual understanding of managing those fears
5. Alignment on what is more and less important

Mission and Purpose

Just to ground things, and cause of some of the books I’ve been reading, I wanted to setup and identify a mission and purpose that we can use and come back to as a team. One thing that I like is that idea that “my mission is set in my partners world. It must be clear the value, advantages and benefits I am providing”. This is from business books, but I like this idea.

• What are 15-20 words that descirbe our shared values? (e.g. creativity, loyalty, faith, generosity, adventure, communication etc.)
• What are the top 4-5 core values from all of these? With core values in mind, how would we answer the following:
• What do we see as our purpose?
• What do we want to be remembered by?
• What are we passionate about?
• What makes us feel the most fulfilled?
• What do we believe in? With the core-values + previous questions, what is our purpose? Consider these questions to help: What do we want to accomplish? Who are we doing it for? How will we make their lives better? Purpose:

Adam’s Mission and Purpose

I gave some thought to how I want to show up as a partner in our relationship. Here is the mission and purpose that I feel aligns with how I want to show up in our relationship: To support Sarah in attaining her dreams, and maximize the fun and pleasure she experiences in daily life. I do this by maintaining a clear understanding of Sarah’s worldview, plans and ideas so that I can and minimize the emotional friction along the way. I exercise my own mental and emotional health to maintain interdependence and show up authenticaly me.

Success Examples: We’re Good at This!

• What are some examples of past “big issues” we’ve had that we were able to succesfully navigate together?
• What worked well when we were working through that?
• What didn’t work well?

Resentment Flush: Existing Emotional Baggage (Kid Gloves!)

• What are some different topics we might have some outstanding feelings or resentments about towards the other

Coming Back Together: How do we do it?

For Sarah…

• What are the things Sarah is enjoying most about the way her life looks right now?
• What part of living alone does Sarah enjoy the most?
• What things about living alone, or living without Adam in the same space, feel threatened if Adam is living with Sarah?
• How does Sarah feel she has changed since this adventure started?
• How does Sarah think Adam has changed since this adventure started?

For Adam…

• What are the things Sarah is enjoying most about the way her life looks right now?
• What part of living alone does Adam enjoy the most?
• What things about living alone, or living without Sarah in the same space, feel threatened if Sarah is living with Adam?
• How does Adam feel he has changed since this adventure started?
• How does Adam think Sarah has changed since this adventure started?

For Both…

• What changes do we think we will need to make?
• How do those changes feel? How would they impact things?
• How can we manage the “risks” or “discomforts” of living together again? What tools do we have already that we can use? Are there tools we need to develop or get better with?
• What part of living together do we miss the most? What are we looking forward to the most?
• How can we capitalize on the good things we enjoy about living together? Is there a way to do “more” of that?
• What fears exist about how Adam and Sarah have changed?
• What are the options that exist for Open Relationships moving forward after coming together? Are there any particular options we think we want to move forward with initially? Which ones are we open to exploring or trying out?

Mental Health: Taking Care of Ourselves

For Sarah…

• Are there mental health issues Sarah believes exist in her life? What are they?
• If there are issues, how does Sarah want to manage those issues?
• To what extent does Sarah want Adam to be involved in supporting her on these things? Are there any specific actions she wants from Adam?
• Is there any thing she wants Adam not to do?

For Adam…

• Are there mental health issues Adam believes exist in his life? What are they?
• If there are issues, how does Adam want to manage those issues?
• To what extent does Adam want Sarah to be involved in supporting her on these things? Are there any specific actions he wants from Sarah?
• Is there any thing he wants Sarah not to do?

For Both…

• Are there any issues or concerns we see in the other person they haven’t mentioned or discussed?
• How do we feel about the other person’s plan? Is it something we can commit to? Is it healthy for us?

Location Decisions: Where we Live

• What do we want the decision process to look like for finding our next together home?
• How invovled does Sarah want Adam to be in making that decision?
• When would different aspects of this process happen?
• Is there any type of “pre-emptive” planning before making decisions that feels acceptable (e.g. Adam looking for jobs or pursuing options without knowing what the location is)? What is the risk with pre-emptive planning?
• What does Sarah want or not want to feel supported by Adam as she take the lead on career aspirations?
• What types of things can Adam do that might communicate he is not being supportive?
• How can we resolve actions or words that have led to someone feeling hurt in the process?
• What would Adam want things to look like? What level of input does he want to have?
• What asepcts of the process have risk of resentment?

Social Integration: Making Friends

• How does Adam meet new people when he joins Sarah in her space?
• How involved (or not) does Sarah want Adam to be (initially) with her social circle?
• Are there any fears or concerns we have about the impact we will have on each others social spheres?

MobilityDB: Adam Pursuing Startup

Evaluate what it requires to make it work remotely:

• What things are needed (funding restrictions? funding amounts? travel back/forth?)
• How can these “difficulties” be eliminated, reduced, or managed?
• How much does it cost in time or money to do that?
• What is the impact of those options on how Adam and Sarah feel?